We started this blog on February 15th, 2018. The angels escorted Jon to Heaven around 2am on September 25th, 2020. The journey of 18 months often feels like a lifetime. We had many ups and downs, but God’s grace was truly sufficient. To all of you who have followed us on this difficult journey, thank you!! I know that there have been many prayers lifted up on our behalf. His grace and your prayers allowed us to handle each challenge and was a source of strength. I have no doubt that those prayers are what sustained us thru the most difficult of times. May God’s face shine down upon you!
It all started on Saturday night, Sept 20th. Jon wasn’t feeling great so I took his oxygen stats. It was running around 90 and at points dipping down to 88. I called Hospice around 10:30pm to have a nurse come out and check on him. He had choked earlier that evening on dinner (which was part of our normal routine anymore) and we thought he just had a tiny piece of supper still stuck that he would eventually get out, as that is usually what happened. By the time the nurse got there, his oxygen had come back up to the mid 90’s so we thought things were better. After the nurse left and I had him settled back in bed it was around 1am. When he slept in until 1:30pm the next day, I knew something wasn’t right. He had never done that our 32 years of marriage. When he did get up, he was alert but he couldn’t keep his eyelids open. We joked about it and he would take his fingers and hold his eyes open. I knew deep down, that something wasn’t right. By Monday afternoon, our regular Hospice nurse came to visit us. After doing her assessment and visiting with us, I asked her what she thought and she just kind of looked at me and starred then said, maybe Friday. She then said, we’ll know more tomorrow as we see how he does over the next 24 hours. Over that next 24 hours things just continued to get worse. She was right. Early Friday morning around 2am, I woke to what I thought was my cell phone alarm. I had set it through the night to get up and give Jon his meds. After just a second, I realized it was not my phone, but his breathing machine. I knew instantly then what had just taken place. I had been sleeping on the floor next to him, so I got up and slowly walked over as I wasn’t sure I was prepared to see him. I had thought of this moment a thousand times over the last year. What will my reaction be when he leaves this earth? Will I cry, faint, or maybe collapse? But something happened that I can not describe except that my Spirit began rejoicing. I never in a million years could have dreamt of the reaction and feelings I had. And if you had seen me, you probably would have thought I had lost my marbles! But, looking at my lifeless husband, all I could see was a shell, Jon wasn’t there anymore! At one point I was rubbing his feet crying saying “These feet are walking the streets of gold!!”
Over the next two weeks I was numb. It wasn’t until one night I was standing in the kitchen with my mom and I held up a banana and said “I should make some banana pudding”. Then I just began to cry. I said “Who am I going to make banana pudding for now?” Reality began sinking in that night. Now, at times I feel totally lost without Jon around. I find myself walking around the house, standing in a room, looking around, not knowing what to do. The tiniest of objects can set off a flow of tears. I often stare at the sky with a sense I can’t explain. Then each day I wake, thinking this has been a bad dream, until once again reality sinks in.
Our kids have been troopers through all of this. It’s hard to watch them hurt and grieve, yet they all have stayed so strong. They go out and visit their dad and we laugh and cry together as we reminisce about Jon. They check up on me, and hang out with me at times. I couldn’t have asked for more wonderful children. As the holidays approach, I know it will become more difficult. Please continue to keep them in your prayers.
Although Jon’s journey on Earth has ended, mine has not. I have learned to take one day at a time, to let the grief come when it hits, and to keep pressing on until my journey is over. Is this easy, no. But, God’s grace truly is sufficient!
Moving forward, I have decided to create my own blog. Please feel free to follow me and share. https://www.mywidowsjourney.com/ I will not be posting updates on Facebook, as you can subscribe if you would like to be notified when a new blog has been posted. My prayer is that somehow down the road, I can encourage someone who begins to travel a road they never anticipated having to walk.
With all my love, Cindy Wells
This is a link to the funeral service.