Since our last post we have seen Christmas and New Years come and go. I have had a great deal of family time and loved every second of it. Last week we traveled down to Milwaukee for my quarterly checkup. While my physical strength has not changed much, my breathing has worsened. I’ve lost just over 11% of my forced vital capacity since September. Although my strength is still decent, the breathing issues cause me to feel weak. Therefore, I move slow and stumble at times. This is why small tasks like brushing my teeth and showering make me feel like I’ve ran a marathon. I’m totally assuming one would feel exhausted after running a marathon, because I have never, nor would ever run a marathon. I’ve often said, “If you ever see me running, it’s because I’m being chased.”
The doctor also encouraged us to begin hospice. That word has a bad connotation to most, but hospice is there to be a help. We are told that hospice helps with so much and it takes great burdens off me, as well as Cindy. I suppose I am ready for whatever comes next. I’m not excited about all this, but I accept it.
Cindy asked me a couple of questions recently that are answerable, but not easily communicated. For those of you who would care to know my thoughts, I will share with you what I shared with her. She asked me what I think about. She asked this in reference to a specific topic we had been discussing, but my thoughts are the same generally or in her case, specifically. I think about my kids, daughter-in-law, son-in-law and grandson. I think of how I’ve watched them grow and how I would love to continue watching each grow. I think about their spiritual maturity. As bad as I want, I cannot live their lives for them. I will not always be around to protect, guide, advise or direct them. I’ve learned to give this over to God, but if I’m honest, I want those reins back at times. I think of Cindy all the time. I think about all the things that need to be done around the house. I think about the things I do that she never had to deal with. I want to leave her with absolutely no burdens.
And I also say to you that you are Peter, and on this rock I will build My church, and the gates of Hades shall not prevail against it. Matthew 16:18
The second question she asked was, “what would I like to see done to and around the house while God is giving me breathe?” I didn’t want to frighten her by saying EVERYTHING, so I pointed out a few things. However, the real answer is in regard to God’s house opposed to ours. We planted Frontline Community Church in 2004 and more than I can say, I would love to see it continue after I’m gone. I have been praying for a solid, Bible believing, evangelistic man of God to come along and fill the pulpit when I need to step away. That day is drawing closer and I believe God will provide if He so chooses. I know this is His church and it has nothing to do with me. Like a child, I love our church and want to see it grow and mature. To be used for the Kingdom of God. This would have to be a special call, because we are small and I do not take a salary. I hoped to see this change but we just aren’t there. Would you partner with me and pray for this very special need?
Well, these are my thoughts in a nut shell. None of us have any guarantees that we will have a long life and plenty of time to watch our children or grand kids grow up, so it only makes sense to pour as much time and love into them as we can, while we can. The same goes for all family and friends. I believe this to be so helpful. When talking to someone, look them in the eye. If they are not looking at you, then you look at them while talking. Eye contact says I care about what you say and how you feel. Try it and just see if it makes a difference in your relationships.